Part of Me
by evadere
Summary: The Remembering of Seto's childhood and the musing of his future.


**Part of Me**

Disclaimer : I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh (duh) and the song is Vonray's "Part of Me" Since it can't be posted, you can look up the lyrics, cause it makes it all flow better. Hopefull I labeled the parts right, either way it should be in order.

Synopsis : Short songfic about Seto's childhood. I was listening to the c.d. over and over again when I was writing another story and I just thought of this.. Love reviews!

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_First Verse_

I froze. Damn, I hate it when this happened. It happened rarely.. And I mean rarely. This unbelievable loss of control as my mind went numb. I was waiting for Mokuba outside of school, leaning against the limo. Well, to anyone with some type of intelligence would think. I was actually leaning against the vehicle with all my weight, trying not to collapse from the paralysis. To be sucked back into my own memory, have a relapse of that… well since it's rare there is a need of a trigger. Like every action, every enigma needs it's ignition, the fuel to thrive.

My trigger was seeing some dad scold his son as they made their way to the car. He grabbed onto his arm a little tighter than the normal grasp and that set me off. Just that little contact, the angry motion brought too much of it back. Yelling at his son for something, I really couldn't hear them. It made me cold, and I just wanted to shut down right there. Of course I couldn't, I always managed to get through these because I knew I needed it. My eyes were unfocused, the world in front of me blurring as the caverns of my mind yawned in black delight.

The flashbacks started. Ice cold sweat found a home in my hands as I gripped my arms across my chest. Sleepless nights. Mokuba crying. The sound of something break. Pencil, bone or vase? Can't tell, but then there's the blood on my face and hands. Blue. No that was now, it was hard to breathe and my eyes started to see little blue dots. As I remained still, I struggled to breathe, letting them in slowly and controlled. Controlled, so I could help myself. His face sneering down at me, the black eyes, his angry shouts and then nothing.

_Second Verse_

I've never felt so much emotion in my life than I had with him. The mere thought of him roused such a deep burning odium, it made me question my humanity. His endless nights of torture, the nerve racking, the inferiority I felt as he tore every last bit of energy from my very being with his stinging manner. The majority of my childhood was hell because of this man, but I did this to myself. It was the only way I could control any part of my life. If I could put the blame on myself, then I could make my own escape.

It's how I began to make the impenetrable shield that is my trademark today. Seto Kaiba. Kaiba. It was a fortress on it's own that name. It was the only granted connection I could allow to my past. Shit, more images. They're getting worse. My bloody fingers as I write continuously over and over again, never minding if I ran out of ink. After all there was always my blood to write with. My dry sobs in a poorly lit room. Mokuba sleeping, his tiny hands gripping the locket around his neck. The endless books, the fists that shook me into unconsciousness. My mother's face.

_Next two lines_

Whoa. That wasn't normal. Yet it was probably one of the only images that kept me sane throughout those years. I lost any innocence I had been given, as the truth of the world was thrust upon me, a huge ugly grin on its face. I knew that Mokuba and I would get through it, even when I thought of giving up and death seemed like the only comfort that even sleep could not provide. I killed any part of me that was the child I had been. Or so I tried to believe. The beating… physical or mental was given to a hollow empty shell… because I wasn't there. No, I was dead to myself, my only sanity was sadly deep in the insanity I had suffered.

_Chorus_

When he died I hoped for a release. A freedom, to be alive in a way I knew I couldn't be before. I searched hard, and came up with nothing. That was all I was now. Kaiba. Seto, the child, a son, a brother. . . Was dead. The same horrible pit that I was stuck in before returned to swallow me whole. Chess pieces being knocked to the floor. A Blue Eyes White Dragon being called to the playing field. Mokuba laughing as he buried his face in my arm. My strengths.. And what they were for. It wasn't my total salvation. It was a life line and it helped me out of the deep abyss I had been falling into. It wouldn't rid me of every problem, every memory, but it would keep my strong. I could keep going, and face it head on. The memory of my parents, and my brother, the living present, this would help me through this. It was a long way, and though these will probably never end… These two thoughts make it bearable.

_Bridge_

Mokuba is running towards me. Waving around a paper. Best Marks. Of course. I smile, knowing he will be a part of me always. I finally get into the car, sitting next to him. Time to go home.

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A/N : Hope you like, and feel free to ask about it : )


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